can you handle it?
by PrettyBoysPrettyGirl
Summary: when sarah gets in julliard, she's struggling to fit in. sound familiar? yeah, she's the nerd with the dark past. everyone feels sorry for her, which is not why she came,everyone except madden. he's arrogant and rude, and competition. can she handle it?


Carnal Thoughts

'I shouldn't be thinking like this,' i thought to myself as I watched him slowly glide into the room. 'I shouldn't be having these feelings, especially when I'm dating his brother.' with that thought, as if right on cue, Edward walked in, trailing behind Alice, who, with her "special power", hadn't been talking to me that much lately. Jasper passed her and then they both disappeared out the door again. Come to think of it, she hasn't said more than two words to me since that day jasper tried to kill me. Again. The weird thing is, I liked it. I liked feeling helpless and scared out of my wits. I think Alice knew that. I also can't help but think that she knows that something is going to happen. At that, I smiled, despite my better judgment. Edward was already seated beside me, watching me intently as my mind wandered. Taking notice, I quickly altered my thoughts, straightened up, and prepared myself to look at his perfect face. I slowly turned toward him. And there it was. His smile. Barely a smile, just a smirk, my smirk. The smirk that drove me wild and sent me into oblivion whenever I thought about it. Whenever I thought about him. He truly was perfect, and soon, and very soon, I would tell him so, while lying on his beautifully sculpted chest, swooning in the aftereffect of our lovemaking. Very soon. I thought again to myself. He broke the intense silence with his angelic voice.

"Bella?" his voice trailed my earlobe and slowly made its way to my brain. I almost fainted at the awesomeness of it. He smiled, reading the feelings that were etched across my face. He waited patiently as I came back to earth. He spoke with caution. "Bella? Dear, what are you thinking about?"

"Mmmnn, just thinking." I said, almost seductively. I heard him growl low in his throat and exhale deeply. I rolled my head backward, exposing my neck, then back again. Lower growling. This time with intensity.

"Bella, this isn't fair. Stop it, or imp going to have to-"

"You're going to have to what?" I said moving from my seat to the table top. We were at his house, with the family in the park, playing vamp baseball. "Punish me?" he was in front of me in an instant. "maybe." he whispered deeply in my ear. I almost fainted, but held my composure. I heard him exhale deeply as he took in my scent. I was still in control. I exhaled, and said as calmly as I could, "Edward?"

"Hhmmn?" he said as he nuzzled my neck.

"Tell me again why we haven't....." at that he stopped.

"...because I can't control myself," he said after a forever of silence. I slid off the table and proceeded to his room." who says I want you to?"

* * *

I lay motionless, as I was told, with his body crushing down on mine. I could tell he was holding back, which is not what I had asked for. I could feel his breath on my neck as he slowly planted a trail of kisses from my collarbone to my chest. I exhaled deeply and sighed. He pressed his lips to mine in an instant, but with caution. He smelled like peaches and heaven. I sighed at the touch of him, and that was all the invitation he needed to gently slide his tongue in mouth. He tasted like passion and love. I arched my back against him and felt him growl deep in his throat. I could tell he was holding on by a string. Suddenly the taste was gone and he was whispering sweet nothings in my ear. I was dazed and confused, but I'm pretty sure I heard him say "your perfect." before I melted to him.

Then it was I who was driving him over the edge, trailing kisses from his chest to his ear, mumbling something like "your beautiful." before first licking his collarbone. I knew that was it. He growled, this time out loud, and flipped so that I was on top of him, reveling in his amazingness. He again claimed my mouth, working his way in angrily. The kiss was rough, almost violent, that my lips were sore from the impact. I winced at the pain, and he stopped abruptly, almost bringing tears to my eyes.

"I'm sorry. I knew that this was a bad idea." he had moved to stand near his shelf of books and classical cds. I knew he was upset with himself, and I wanted to comfort him. I also knew that he was turned on, and I wanted to appeal to that side as well. Provide equal attention, if you know what I mean. I moved off the bed and over to him.

"No, you didn't hurt me. I-"

"Bella, don't patronize me. I know what I did. Look at your lips. There swollen because of my inability to control myself."

"But I don't want you to control yourself. I want you to control me." I was behind him now, running my hands over the muscles in his chest and stomach. He moaned in reply.

"Bella, it's not that simple. I could kill you." he gently pushed my hand away, but I could tell the feeling was gone. I was offended.

"Do you not want me?" I said as I backed away from him. " Am I not good enough?" he was behind me in an instant.

"Is that what you think? Do you seriously think that its not taking every muscle in my body to refrain from ripping your clothes off and taking you right here?" he kissed the nape of my neck. I was still thinking about those muscles he was using. Right now. At this very moment. God, I wanted him.

"Then why don't you? I love you, and I trust you, and you know as well as I do that you would never hurt me."

"I don't know that for sure, but I want to believe you. You're not the only one who wants this, but clearly I have to be the responsible adult."

"What? Are you saying I'm not responsible begun backing away again. I didn't think it was possible, but he pushed the wrong button.

"I meant exactly what I said, and I don't recall saying that you were irresponsible."

"But that's what you meant." he sighed.

"You know what I meant." I could hear the anger rising in his voice. I wasn't prepared to talk about this, mostly because I just wanted out of there, so I simply said, "yeah, I think I do.", and walked out.

* * *

When I got home that night I was still fuming, so after saying good night to Charlie, I rushed to my room and slammed the window shut. I was not in the mood for Edward. Which is shocking? I never thought that those words would be present in my vocabulary, but sure enough, there they were. When I finally retired to bed, I found that my thinking was more than altered towards Edward. They were completely gone. He was a distant memory, only showing up when appropriate. What was even scarier was what was actually taking his place.

His brother. Jasper

I could not for the life of me get that boy out of my mind. He was dangerous and off limits. That just made me want him even more. I was mortified at that shocking realization. I wanted him. More and more each day. It was scary. I finally drifted off to sleep with jasper on my mind and guilt in my heart.

* * *

The next morning I was still kind of disrot over all that went on last night. Mostly over my thoughts last night. They were guilt lined, and I felt really bad for it. Even as I was eating breakfast, I kept sneaking up on me. I was trying to get myself thinking about Edward again when there was a knock at the door. You can imagine my surprise when I opened it and there stood jasper. I froze where I stood. He walked in, without so much as a greeting, and sat down. I was still in shock but somehow managed to sit across from him at the kitchen table. Charlie's voice pulled me out of my mortification

"Bella, who's at the door?"

"...uh... jasper. I guess he wanted to talk?" he just nodded in my direction. Charlie was just glad to see that it wasn't Edward, so he went outside to work on my truck some more. He's been doing that a lot lately. I turned back to jasper.

"...so...what's on your mind?" I asked quizzically.

"Listen. Ill cut right to the chase. Alice told me what has been occupying your thoughts lately."

I instantly started to blush. I was embarrassed beyond belief. I could see him smirk out of the corner of my eye. It faded away quickly. I started defending myself immediately.

"Look, I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't be thinking like that, especially when I'm dating your brother, but I'm just... I don't know. I-"

He cut me off with a kiss. It was so rough unanadvised that it threw me off balance. He noticed. After I regained my poseur, I just stood there, motionless, waiting for an explanation to his insanity. He said nothing, just waited impatiently while I caught my breath, before crushing his lips to mine once more. Jasper, with his "special power", had altered my mood completely. Instead of feeling embarrassed, I was inflamed with passion for this beautiful creature in front of me, urgent hands running all over my heated body, only to cool it with his touch. While lost in the passion of the kiss, I felt him push me backward until we hit the counter. I gasped in response and he complied with a growl. It sent chills down my back. He had forgotten that I needed to breathe, and I had to forcefully pull myself away from his anxious mouth.

" A little breather, please?" I asked sympathetically.

"Sorry. It's been a while since I've been with someone who needed to breathe. Take your time." he said as he walked around the table, golden eyes shying in the sunlight.

"Thanks, but, I don't want to take my time, and nor should you." I said before flashing him a seductive glance and running up the stairs to my room, him bounding up after me.

* * *

now lying on top of him, we once again connected our mouths feverently, his hands once again moving up and down on my body, only more urgently this time. He had followed instructions, unlike Edward. With that thought, I hesitated to let him ease me out of the red Tokyo hotel shirt I was currently wearing. He noticed my hesitation, and kissed me, softer, with feeling, not just lust. It helped to ease my guilt as he pushed it away and replaced it with longing. With that thought evaporated for m memory, I leaned back, away from his face and onto his thighs. He moaned deeply in his throat as I pulled my shirt over my head and threw it to the floor. He starred in awe, before pressing his cheek to my breast. It was cool, a new sensation that I had never experienced before. I loved it.

He moved to the other, before first kissing it lightly. I was lost in the sheer ecstasy of the moment, and I didn't notice until he grunted with frustration that he was struggling with the button on my jeans. Finally he gave up and ripped them in two and flung them across the room. I gasped and he lightly whispered in my ear "ill buy you a new pair." I smiled in admiration for his concern, but hid the fact that those were my favorite pair of jeans. He moved again and was planting a trail of kisses down my neck and chest, then abruptly stopping at my panty line. He brought his gaze up slowly, taking in the sights, even though I could tell he was completely serious.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" I took this thought into consideration, smiling to myself while seeing that faint twinkle of concern in his beautiful eyes. I responded by kissing him passionately, then allowed him to flip me over while he claimed my mouth once more. Once on my back, I gently pulled away, then hooked my fingers inside the lining of my panties and slid to down, letting him see the intensity of the action. I think I moved a little too slow, because he got impatient and " helped me" the rest of the way. When they were on the floor beside the bed, and he had removed the remainder of his clothing, we just sat there, intrigued by each others bodies. Our fingers explored off limits areas, though that was no longer accurate. When we had gotten our fill (literally), he laid me down ever so gently and kept me distracted with his rough and heated kisses that it surprised me when I felt his member slide in me. I let myself be consumed in the sheer ecstasy of his basic movements, stroking my hair, whispering in my ear, kissing away my tears of pure joy. It was amazing. I cooned lightly and all the control I could feel that he was using came to an abrupt stop. He moved his hands from my head and side and slid them underneath me. He began moving furiously, with out a speck of control as I screamed out in pain and pleasure. He realized his mistake at once and stopped moving all together, causing tears of abandonment to stream down my face.

" No! What am I doing?" I heard him say. He was beating himself up inside and I could see the remorse on his face.

" What are you talking about? You were doing great. It was everything I expected, everything I craved, and more." I said as I wiped away my tears.

"Then why are you crying?" he asked, a confused look on his face.

"Because…you stopped. You stopped and left me."

"What? Bella, I'm still inside you."

" I know, but… I don't know, it just hurt that you were thinking about leaving."

"Well don't worry. I'm not going anywhere." And with that he pushed violently back inside me, causing me to scream unexpectantly. He took that as a greeting to claim my mouth even as he rose high and went deep.

End

* * *

so was it terrible? go ahead and comment. i doubt you will be able to hurt my feelings. no offense to those who take joy in doing just that. i'm like that , comment. i promise i wont get mad and hunt you down. mostly i mean that. it was my first fanfic.


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